Doors
by SevenRenny
Summary: (Side story to Scorpions and Chains) When Izuku's at his worst, Class 1-A will not hesitate to let him know he is loved. Izuku's past has left it's scars, and now it's up to his friends to help him heal. Iida and Uraraka give the best hugs. Hinted IzuOcha if you squint. Warnings: deals with depression and anxiety.


_Disclaimer:_ _I do not own My Hero Academia._

 _Note: Side story to_ _Scorpions and Chains_

 _Warnings: Deals with mental illness, depression, anxiety, (wrote this while in a foul mood), heavy symbolism._

* * *

 **Doors**

 **SevenRenny**

Izuku would say he had a fine memory. He remembered the first picture he drew out of crayons and hung it on the fridge by a magnet; the first football he received; the first action figure he got; the first friend he made; the first time his friend hit him; the first time his friend left a burn mark on him, the first time his friend turned into his tormentor, the first time he understood that life wasn't just what he'd see on television; the first time he figured out that some people had it better than others; the first time he set a goal for his dreams, the first time his dreams were mocked; the first time he didn't cry over a wound, and the first time he felt truly alone in this world.

He had a road; he just didn't know where to go. He had the door of opportunity; he just didn't have the key. He had to keep trying, but that got harder and harder with each passing day. Sometimes, he wondered what life was all about. Yes, he'd keep living, but then what? Where should he go?

And that thought – that thought he kept pushing down to keep his sanity was tattooed in the back of his mind: Everyone dies eventually. He's going to die. He was going to stop existing, just like those who had passed away before him. He was dying, with each passing day, the hours, minutes, seconds eating away at his lifespan.

Life was a merry-go-round, spinning in an endless, repetitive loop without actually going anywhere.

He wasn't sure when everything started to blur. Time meant nothing anymore, and while walking to class, people started to blend into the background, turning into nothing but smudged up colors and buzzing noises his brain couldn't understand. The only things his could hear were his footsteps.

He recognized the empty hole in his chest. He'd had it before. It hurt. He tried to ignore it, scribbling into his notebook. He hadn't felt like this since… since he had been Quirkless… he'd been so alone…. But… but he had his friends now! Real friends! So why did the angry snake in his gut keep returning? Why? Why couldn't it just leave him be?

"Midoriya."

Izuku looked up.

"Come up here and solve this," the teacher told him.

"Ah – yes, sir."

He had to hold on, just until classes were over. This was such bad timing. He'd been feeling sluggish all morning. The last time this had happened, he had a full on mental breakdown in his room. He couldn't let it happen here. Keep calm, stay still, no one will notice.

…

He wasn't sure why it came and went. He wasn't that Quirkless loser who couldn't do anything. He was a student, a UA student, at that. So why now…?

Izuku slammed his dorm room shut loudly before leaning against it, slowly sliding down and to the ground. The angry snake curled and uncurled in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to throw up – he wanted to beat his own abdomen because that feeling in his gut was driving him insane.

He hugged his middle, a tiny wail squeezed out of his throat. He hadn't changed out of his grey school uniform. He didn't feel like it. His body told him _'I don't want to move'_ so he just stayed like that on the floor. Half of the lights in his room weren't turned on. Good. He needed to calm down.

Why was he panicking? Nothing – absolutely nothing worth panicking over was happening. _Calm down, you wimp._ But it was hard. It was hard, when he felt many invisible chains swarm his body. He felt them, crawling up his ankles and shoulders and around his neck, suffocating him.

 _"You're Quirkless – what do you think you can do?"_

They tightened.

 _"You? A Hero? You've got to be kidding–"_

They tightened. Izuku squeezed his eyes shut.

 _"Useless Deku–"_

Stop. It hurt.

"– _give up already."_

Stop it. Please…

" _Good for nothing loser. Can't do anything–"_

I'm trying. I'm really trying! I swear –

 _No, you useless shit. You aren't. You are nothing. All Might made a mistake when he decided to give you One For All. He made a mistake, because you are a mistake. You'd die, and no one would notice. You'd die, and no one would give a damn. You'd die, and the world would keep spinning._

"Stop…" Izuku whimpered and hugged himself. The tension in his gut was eating him alive. Fat tears stung his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He rubbed at them with his arm.

The snake never left him alone, no matter where he went. It was with him, always, hiding in a tight ball in his stomach, waiting for him to lower his guard. It would try to crawl up his just and throat. Izuku's hands trembled as he clutched at his clothes, his knuckles going white.

The snake was eating him – eating him from the inside. It wanted to nibble its way out. Each bite hurt because _Deku was a weak shit who couldn't even save himself._

 _"Get it through your thick skull already, nerd – you can't be a hero!"_

He chocked. Vomit. He needed to vomit. The snake was already at his throat. He heard panting, and it took him a few minutes to realize it was coming from him. _Breathe,_ he told himself. _Breathe. Just calm down._ His heart rammed at his chest. Even his own heart wanted to kill itself.

He felt a pluck and noticed his grey uniform slacken. Oh, he had popped off one of the uniform buttons due to his uncontrolled grip. Sweat began to gather around his neck and over his back.

The knock on his door almost gave him a heart attack.

"Gah!" He yelped and grabbed over his heart. He already felt like dying. He didn't need any jump scares.

" _Mi… Midoriya?"_ Iida called from behind the door _. "Midoriya, is everything alright? You seemed unwell in class today."_ He sounded worried.

Answer him. Answer him – oh god, he's still standing right behind you just stop being useless and answer him already!

"I'm…" His voice came out as a squeak. He swallowed it down and tried again, still clutching over his heart. "I'm fine. I'm fine." It didn't sound any better.

Iida didn't say anything for a while, until… _"I see… May I come in, then?"_

No. No, you may not. But he couldn't tell Iida that. He couldn't. He just couldn't. Just because Izuku was a mess didn't mean he had to throw his mess at his friend as well.

"No, no. I'm…" Izuku sighed, willing the pain to go away. "I'm fine. Really!" He tried to chuckle, but it sounded so fake. He doubted Iida would fall for it.

"… _Do you need any assistance, Midoriya?"_ Iida asked carefully, his tune low but clear. _"Do you remember what you told me before? If you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to us. We are your friends. So please, whatever you're dealing with, know you don't have to go through it alone."_

Iida figured it out.

Izuku wasn't himself.

Izuku wasn't being Izuku.

Izuku panicked even more. His classmates knew he wasn't mentally well. They knew everything. They'd gone through his memories. They'd seen his past. They'd seen him break and crumble and shrink and shrivel away. They'd seen the useless Deku, and knew the useless Deku was still part of him, and would always be part of him.

"I'm okay…" Izuku whispered. He wasn't sure if he was talking to Iida, or to himself. "I'm… I'm… I'll be fine. Thanks, Iida. I'm sorry for worrying you. It's nothing." No, it's not.

He heard a few more footsteps behind the door, then a few whispers. Izuku wanted to throw up. He slapped a hand over his mouth. Was he actually about to vomit, or was that just a feeling and nothing more?

" _Hey, Midoriya?"_ Kirishima. That was Kirishima. _"You okay in there, bro?"_ He asked, knocking on the door.

Great. First Iida, now Kirishima. Who's next?

" _He's still there,"_ Jiro whispered. _"I hear him. He's breathing really hard."_

"I'm… I'm fine!" Izuku blurted out. It was hard to breathe. The snake ate at his insides. It made sure he was feeling every bit of pain he deserved. He heard more whispering, someone mentioning Aizawa, and a few more footsteps. They were trapping him in. they were gathering at his door.

The knocked and called him a few more times, but their voices didn't make sense anymore. What did their words mean again? He forgot how to understand human speech. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Then again. Then again. Still bent over with his back against the door, he reached for it with shaky fingers.

 **(6) Unread Messages**

Kaminari: _You ok man_

Kaminari: _?_

Kaminari: _Iida s worried man he called me_

Kaminari: _srsly everything ok?_

Kaminari: _Im coming over with Sero_

Kaminari: _hold on buddy_

A fat tear landed on the screen. Izuku sniffed, and he swore he heard the voices behind the door panic. It wasn't a big deal. Why were they making a big deal out of it? They didn't know what was wrong with him. Even he didn't know what was wrong with him.

" _He's crying,"_ Jiro informed the others. She was still hearing him.

" _Midoriya, can you let one of us in, please?"_ Iida asked, and before Izuku could decide what to say or do, he felt the door handle move. He had locked it behind him.

" _No good. He locked it,"_ Kirishima told them.

" _Guys!"_ Kaminari's panted.

" _What's going on? What happened?"_ Sero sounded just as tired. They must've ran all the way over.

Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Why were they smothering him? They'd never done that before. He'd never had anyone whenever the Snake grabbed at him. So why now? Was it because they had seen his true, weak self? Useless Deku suddenly mattered?

"… _.You don't think he's gonna hurt himself, do ya?"_

Kaminari's words slowly sunk in.

" _Midoriya,"_ Yaoyorozu called gently. _"You don't need to tell us what's wrong, but it's alright to lean on your friends."_ She tried.

Izuku wiped his wet nose with his sleeve. "I…" his voice died. A sob rolled out of his wet throat. They most likely heard it.

" _Deku!"_ He heard Ochaco's high-pitched voice join the others. _"Is – Is he okay?"_ She was panicking. It sounded like she was close to crying. _"He was so quiet today – I should've told to him earlier…"_

No. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself, please…

" _I'm to blame as well,"_ Iida added. _"He seemed down today. I wanted to talk to him, but I was too late. I should've spoken with him earlier."_

" _Hey, now, it's not your fault,"_ Kirishima said.

" _No one could've predicted it'd get worse this fast,"_ Yaoyorozu explained. _It._ She must've meant his depression.

His phone buzzed. They were trying to reach him through his phone.

 **(5) Unread Messages**

Uraraka: _Deku?_

Uraraka: _Are you ok?_

Uraraka: _Are you sad?_

Uraraka: _Its ok to be sad_

Uraraka: _Do you need a hug?_

 **(3) Unread Messages**

Todoroki: _Midoriya_

Todoroki: _We will walk away from your room_

Todoroki: _Iida and Uraraka will stay by your door if you need anything_

Oh… they must've realized gathering by his room would only scare him even more; but they still didn't feel comfortable enough to leave him by himself in such a state, so they left two of his friends close by.

They were obviously worried about him. He didn't deserve such kind friends. He wanted to let them know he was alright, but even he wasn't sure why he felt like getting torn from the inside out. He couldn't keep hiding. He couldn't keep pretending nothing was wrong. They were offering to help him anyway they could, but was he worth their time?

Grabbing his phone weakly, he looked at the texts sent to him, then clicked on Uraraka's name. He looked up at her questions. Was he okay? Was he sad? Did he need a hug? He sent the only thing he felt: _Not sure._

He heard her phone ding from behind his door. She was right there, and most likely, so was Iida. They hadn't spoken in a while. His phone buzzed again.

 **(2) Unread Messages**

Uraraka: _im sorry if we bothered you_ _Deku_

Uraraka: _we crowded you we re sorry_

Izuku wiped his wet eyes with his sleeve. They wanted to help, but didn't know what to do. He couldn't blame them. Even he didn't know what to do.

You: _its ok_

You: _I'm sorry I worried everyone_

He wanted to add 'thanks for caring about me' but that would only make him sound selfish. Was he selfish for wanting their attention? He'd never been one to seek attention. All his life, he'd tried to hide from people and kept himself under the radar, because how else would he hide from bullies and pointing fingers and words that sounded more like bullets?

 **(1) Unread Messages**

Uraraka: _do you need time ?_

Did he? What did he need? He wasn't sure. He was so confused and felt like spewing his guts out. He wanted nothing more than to feel his mom's hug. It was so childish. Whenever the snake attacked him like this, he'd usually crawl under the covers of his bed, or put on his headphones and turn on music he wouldn't remember later on. He didn't know what was happening to him, or why, but he wanted his mom. He wanted someone safe.

Someone safe…

He looked down at his phone and scrolled through his contacts list. They'd gathered at his door, not because he was injured, not because he was dying, but because they understood he wouldn't ask for help even if he needed it. They understood he was used to being alone, and wanted to let him know he didn't have to be alone anymore.

You: _are you and Iida still there?_

 **(2) Unread Messages**

Uraraka: _yes_

Uraraka: _do you need anything Deku?_

It took every ounce of his strength to reach up and unlock the door and scoot away.

" _Deku…?"_

" _Midoriya?"_

They'd heard the lock click. He needed to get off the floor and talk to them properly. He needed to be respectful. He just didn't have the energy to do so. He was weak… pathetic…

" _Can we come in, Deku?"_ Ochaco asked nervously. The door wasn't locked anymore, but they didn't want to barge in without his permission.

"Yeah…" that was all he could whisper out before the door slowly cracked open.

The two snuck in carefully, and before he knew it, Ochaco dropped to her knees and hugged him. He felt the hard edges of her pink phone in her palm as she squeezed him. Iida made sure to quietly close the door behind him as he knelt to their level.

He must've looked like a mess, on the floor and face wet and eyes red-rimmed. His room was mostly dark, which only added to the depressing mood. Izuku slowly melted into Ochaco's embrace. His arms slowly unwrapped from his midsection and dropped them around her.

Iida hugged the both of them firmly. "I'm sorry we didn't notice sooner."

Izuku shook his head no, sniffing lightly. The snake that had been crawling up his throat had slowed down its wriggling. "I'm… I'm sorry I w-worried you guys…"

Ochaco tightened her grip. "Deku… Don't be sad, Deku..." was she crying, too? He couldn't believe how his own emotional breakdown was affecting his friends.

"You're not alone anymore, Midoriya," Iida reminded him calmly.

Izuku felt Ochaco give a nod in agreement, rubbing her cheek against his. He felt their heartbeats, gentle yet strong; surreal yet so real. He swallowed, and it was much easier now that the snake had crawled back down. He could breathe without feeling nauseous now.

Relief. It felt too good – their hold on him was too perfect. Tears rolled down his face freely. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Grabbing fistfuls of Iida and Uraraka's clothes, he ducked his face in between them and cried. They held on to him as he cracked and broke apart from the inside.

His chest hurt, but he could breathe. His head throbbed, but his thoughts were clearing. His heart rammed against his chest, but he felt alive – something he hadn't felt in a while. He didn't know how long the three of them stayed like that. His crying slowed to silent tears.

"…Thanks guys…" he whispered. His throat hurt, but he felt lighter.

He felt Iida pat him on the shoulder. "Would you like me to inform the others?"

Izuku thought about it. They were probably still worried out there. He had people waiting for him, not just Uraraka and Iida. "If… if it's not much trouble…" he decided.

Iida gave him one last pat on the shoulder before moving away. Uraraka drew away, but then leaned against Izuku's shoulder. Iida gave him an encouraging nod before leaving, closing the door as he left.

Izuku sighed and wiped the wetness from his eyes. It was only then did he notice Uraraka's hand in his. A tiny blush brushed his cheeks. How had he not noticed that earlier?

"Are… Are you feeling better, Deku?" She asked him quietly, leaning against him.

The snake had quietly retreated. Izuku swallowed thickly. "Yeah… Yeah. I am. Thanks…"

She squeezed his hand. _I'm glad you're better._

His phone started buzzing. Izuku dried his cheeks before reaching for his phone, keeping his other hand in Ochaco's.

 **(24) Unread Messages**

Kirishima: _my bro! :D Youre ok! give me a hug_

Asui: _glad you're feeling better_

Asui: _text us if you need anything_

Kaminari: _DUDE you freaked me out!_

Kaminari: _don't scare me like that again man_

Kaminari: _MY CINNAMON ROLL BUDDY!_

Jiro: _Kaminari was crying_

Jiro: _by the way_

Jiro: _Sato left you cupcakes by your door_

Ashido: _Midori!_

Ashido: _you better? :3_

Ashido: _cause Bakugo was ready to break your door lol_

Ashido: _ps Kaminari was crying XD_

Todoroki: _Iida told us. I'm glad you're feeling better_

Yaoyorozu: _Take as much time as you need_

Hagakure: _You better!_ ❤❤❤❤

Hagakure: _Im so happyyy_

Sero: _hey don't be shy to ask for hugs next time_

Sero: _oh and Kaminari cried for ya lol_

Ojiro: _good to hear you're doing alright_

Kacchan: _DEKU_ _what the fuck did you do?!_

Kacchan: _shitty electro dolt was sniveling_

Kacchan: _I don't care if you're being a crybaby_

Kacchan: _Do that again and I'm breaking that door down_

Izuku hadn't noticed the small smile spreading across his face. It was weak and wobbly, but a smile none the less. He felt Ochaco's stare. He turned just in time to see her own smile as she threw herself at him for another hug.

"I'm so h-happy. You're… you're happy again…" she said, her voice muffled through his shoulder. "We all love you."

That was all he needed to hear.

He had people who loved him – who never wanted to let him go. And while the snake slept on, he knew he was prepared for it next time. The arms around his neck and the buzzing of his phone were enough to let him know that he had armor to fight the monster.

* * *

 _Note: so yeah. Wrote this while having a tantrum. I guess I wanted to show how many way this situation could've been dealt with. For those who don't know what's going on with Izuku, let's just say_ _anxiety attacks sometimes come out of nowhere. I don't know if this is how it is for everyone else, but for me, it usually starts as a bad mood (feeling down, not wanting to get out of bed) before it escalates into something uncontrollable (panic attacks, feeling sick, the argue to smash things, crying without any reason). Again, I don't know if this applies to everyone else with this issue_ _._

 _Note: Yes, I will be working on other side stories for_ _Scorpions and Chains._

 _Note: For those waiting for IzuOcha stories, I'm writing a few. If you have any ideas for these two, PM me._


End file.
